Odd Thoughts

Our world can be filled with wonderment, if we only took the time to notice things around us. Unfortunately one man's wondrous can be another man's stupid. Here we go:

SHMORGASBOARD
Is there a food out there called "shmorgas?" It sounds tasty. Next time I go to a shmorgasboard, I'm ordering the shmorgas.

REMARKABLE TECHNOLOGICAL ACHIEVEMENT
Those little labels which are stuck to the fruit at the grocery store. Wow. Who ever thought of that?

Now we need another remarkable achievement. Something to help us get them off. Or at least make them edible.

RELATED ACHIEVEMENT
Post-It notes. Not the notes themselves, but the idea that someone made ZILLION$ selling little slips of paper with bad adhesive on them. I'm really mad I didn't think of that.

DIT-DIT-DIT
When you are on the phone with someone who pauses to find something, why does he feel the need to fill the silence with "dit-dit-dit?"

SHEEP DOGS
I saw a sheep dog in the elevator of a downtown high rise and I thought, "Has that poor creature ever even seen a sheep?"

How must it feel for an animal, its genome programmed throughout millennia for herding sheep, to live with an unfulfilled destiny? Would he feel an existential emptiness? I felt that he was looking at me wondering, "Are you a sheep? Can I herd you?"

I think owners of sheep dogs should be required to buy a few sheep so their dogs don't experience a haunting void. Or am I overthinking this?

HEALTH FOOD AND IMMUNITIES
The trend toward pure, organic food may be lowering our resistance to harm from bad food, impurities and preservatives. I don't think our systems will fare well over the long run being so unchallenged. Immunize with a Twinkie today!

SEAT BACKS AND TRAY TABLES
If you hear the words "Please put your seat backs and tray tables in the locked and upright position", do you you automatically get that airplane feeling?

CHIC WAITERS
The waiter came to the table and said, "I'm Tom and I will be your waiter for tonite." and I wondered, "Who were you yesterday and what did you do then?"

EXPERTS
For anything you can name on earth or beyond there will be at least one expert.
No matter what the topic, there will be someone, somewhere who devotes his life to it. I bet the guy in charge of cockroach sphincters is a blast at cocktail parties.

BETA
If you were doing a preliminary study of the tropical fighting fish Betta splendens, would it be a betta beta? Would the ultimate preliminary version be a master betta beta?

BIG RIDICULOUS CARS
A guy I know once said, "You are what you drive." I peeked outside to check out his ride. It was a purple muscle truck with enormous wheels. I thought, "I guess that makes you a purple muscle truck with enormous wheels. Can we abbreviate that to "moron"?

On a related note, are there any studies of penis size of Hummer drivers? I am guessing they really don't need all that leg room.

MEALS ON WHEELS
According to a survey of Mark Meshulam, at least 50 percent of his meals are eaten in the car. Since Mark belongs to an intensively studied demographic - "Baby Boomers Too Old To Be Called That" - it is highly probable that about a million people will have finished a Slim Jim/Cheese Stick Combo in their vehicle right now before you finish this article.

Soon I expect to see sinks, coolers and microwaves available in yuppiemobiles as upscale options - the "Mobile Kitchen Package".

BUMPER STICKERS
Are there any studies correlating bumper stickers with the driver's sanity? Someone's got to do it. Here's my rating system:
1 bumper sticker - concerned citizen
2 bumper stickers - delightfully eccentric
3 bumper stickers - edging toward the dark side
4 bumper stickers - someone's going to get shot
5+ bumper stickers on beat-up, rusty car - poor man's Bondo

TWO JOKES FROM MY MOM (85 years young)
Question: What do the elderly use for birth control?
Answer: Nudity.

A woman told her golf pro, "I was stung by a bee when I was playing golf".
The pro asked, "Where?"
She answered, "Between the first and second hole."
He replied, "Your stance is too wide."

---

Like this article? Bookmark it at Del.icio.us

---

To receive these postings hot off the keyboard,
subscribe to poingology, the newsletter

---

Mark Meshulam offers:
keyboard hotkey shortcuts and screen grabs,
email ticker reminder system,
send large files with FTP and links, all at
www.poingo.com